You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
