the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
