Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize