You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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