What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
