just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
