Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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