Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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