i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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