I swear she didn't look like that last week.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
