Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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