I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
