nut hugger
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
