Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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