It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
