I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
