I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
