The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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