I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
