So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
