Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
