Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You left your phone here
Wait...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize