He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
