If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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