I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
