3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
