i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize