I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's blow job season.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
