hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
