PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
