Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
