I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hippo gnu deer
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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