she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
