how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
