Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
