Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
