So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
