Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
