there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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