I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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