the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize