I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
