were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
God, I missed his penis.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize