happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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