for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
