Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
