Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
