dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
