another moral hangover. fuck.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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