His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
