if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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