Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
