Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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