I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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