And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
