At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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