Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize