i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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