Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just made out with a guy for $7.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
