I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
