I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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