Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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