I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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