My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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