You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
