I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
