I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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