I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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