she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
