About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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