She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
