We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
