that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
