You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
