So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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